


Rain From The Summer Sky

by ClassOf13



Category: Steins;Gate
Genre: F/M, Feels, Light Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-11
Updated: 2017-07-11
Packaged: 2018-11-30 23:25:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11473869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClassOf13/pseuds/ClassOf13
Summary: [Set in the movie "Fuuka Ryōiki No Déjà Vu"/ "Load Region Of Déjà Vu"]Kurisu and Okabe talk about the imminent disappearance of the scientist and its consequences on both of them.





	Rain From The Summer Sky

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this thing at 2 AM because study was frying my brain (no news, I know) so it's a sleep deprived fic which has been beta'd by the always incredible [@topcatnikki](https://topcatnikki.tumblr.com/)(thank you for putting up with my terribile time schedule ;;)
> 
> The fic is a sort of study on Okabe's thoughts the moment he and Kurisu talk about his disappearance in front of the Akihabara Station, so yes, it's set in the movie. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this! (*°д°)ノ

It should be a magnificent summer night. One of those nights of absolute quiet where the fresh breeze offers relief from the hellish heat of the morning. Nights like this are his favorites, allowing him to free his mind from the idle thoughts that keep it occupied during the frenzy of the day.

Yet this night is different. Thoughts oppress him with a force that seems to be ten times that of gravity. And silence suddenly gets suffocating - and his will, though for a moment, becomes vacillating.

It is somewhat ironic that the one disappearing from existence this time should be him, but the thought, on the other hand, doesn’t shock him more than that. After intruding too many times in the course of the events of the universe, it’s normal for this world, or for any god who has created its laws, to find his presence as an impasse.

On a side the awareness that Mayuri and Kurisu - beautiful in his anger and pain in front of his eyes - having the guarantee of a serene future is somewhat comforting, on the other something in his chest twists and shakes shouting what his vocal cords will never betray: _"I don’t want to let you go. Not when there is finally a future we can write together in front of us all."_

It’s a selfish thought and he is deeply ashamed by the feelings that caused it. That is why the terrible truth is reaffirmed with even more conviction: no one will really understand Kurisu when she’ll be suffering for his disappearance.

It's inevitable, he has experienced it. Being the only one to remember someone, to remember scenes and feelings that bind him to a person whose existence is now only true to him. If you're the only one to remember something you can really say it happened?

For him, who has lived that experience countless times, every worldline, every memory that belongs to them and which is branded in his memory, are as real as the world in which he’s living. It’s unintentional, but after visiting lines so similar and yet at the same time so different from each other, it’s sometimes difficult to realize which one is real. It’s frustrating, as though he doesn’t belong to the place where he’s in.

But all this is something that Kurisu will never live and, at least, this is a consolation. 

To see her suffer is the last thing he would like and almost deplores the harshess with which he asks her to forget him. Her wounded expression, the tears that threaten to wet her sweet face, give him physical pain stronger than the pain of a time leap.

"Kurisu."

He’s certain that his eyes are betraying him, in fact. _"Try to understand"_ , they beg. _"You are too important to me, I don’t want you to end up like me.”_

Yet, in his desperate attempt to set himself aside for everyone's sake, he did not take into account how Kurisu Makise was terribly fragile and strong at the same time. Small transparent pearls dampen her pale cheeks as the sobs silently shake her shoulders.

"You have to exist!" She yells as her thin hands cling to his shirt, bringing him bittersweet memories of a rainy day. "Stay by my side and listen to what I have to say!"

He recognizes the despair with which he himself, in a distant worldline, had tried to save her. He sees himself in her and he realizes: Kurisu loves him.

He would like to shout, get angry at himself for that cruel fate determined to tear away the precious feeling, but finds himself whispering kind words to the fragile woman in his arms. He tries to rationalize and comfort her, but Kurisu's acumen never fails and sees immediately behind his lies. He knows what her words meant and, rationally speaking, giving her the answer she deserves would make their farewell even more unbearable.

But his occupation was one of reason, a man of strict science and fact- (or maybe it’s just Kurisu's sad eyes that are making him go out of his mind). Their lips touch and nostalgia brings him back to a distant worldline at a moment when he had wished to stop time and stay like this forever.

She still smelled like citrus.

"You are... cruel" Kurisu murmurs with a tearful voice.

And, although he knows that her words are lacking in sincerity, he can only agree with them. After all, he has condemned her to the torture of remembering in a world in which he has never existed.

Kurisu's hands pull down the neck of his shirt and, suddenly, the rain comes down from the summer sky.

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi here: [@feelstina](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/feelstina). I have cookies!


End file.
